• From the beginning relationship was discussed and agreed by both parties involved that they were not looking for any form of relationship, however, lately it appears he might have a change of heart. How does a girl, oblivious to when a boy likes her, know?

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  • He wants you to meet his family and/or friends so you both can hang out with them.

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  • Um, when she says “I love you?” (Even though I tell her repeatedly I do not love her back. Daddy issues.)

  • If you guys are talking every day and you’re having sex consistently, guess what? You’re in a relationship.

  • Surprise sex??? Didn’t know that even existed in a FwB relationship, Thank you “Seriously…

  • Got Xmas gift the first year, something from VS. Now all I get is swag, Ace “Spades” S.

  • you should only be “texting” each other.. to set up the time to do each other… and yes i said.. text.. because FWB should not talk about anything.. they are only there to fulfill one need and that’s it.

  • Stephanie, find a new one if you have to ask that question. I’m here for you πŸ˜‰

  • Is he calling more than usual? Staying longer than he used to (really, he shouldn’t stick around much at all after the deed).

    If so, chances are good he’s caught the feelings.

  • Thelma “Peeparosa” D. Met his son long ago. What freaked me out is that he invited me over when his sister was in town….this wasn’t her first visit since I’ve known him.

  • T “Tuberculosis” B. Hard to say as we typically communication via text.

  • sounds like a lot more work that a regular relationship. I don’t know how ppl do this.

  • Uncle L. Thankfully he hasn’t let that slip, but he called me Babe twice in the four years we’ve been FwB.

  • 4 years is a long time!! You need to find someone who’s as cruel as you are.

  • Bob Q. yes, have always talked pretty much daily, sex only once a week or every two weeks. Agreed, relationship, but not committed. We are free to go out with others. Just trying to figure out where he is headed and what his wants.

  • Yeah 4 years is a bit long to have a fwb, in my opinion. I’d be surprised if someone DIDN’T have feelings after that amount of time.

  • Oy!! Just received a text asking if I have plans for Friday. UGH!!!

  • Tell him you have plans with your future husband.

  • Kim “heart cooks brain” S. The thing is is that we are compatible in some ways and polar opposites in others.

  • Are you asking me out, Ace “Sapdes” S.? ;p

  • You know what Paula Abdul says, opposites attract.

    Being with a fwb that long seems like it would do nothing but hold you both back from finding a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship. That’s assuming you think having a connection beyond sex is fulfilling and satisfying. I may simply be projecting.

  • There is something hawt about your sex drive πŸ˜‰

  • After four years, why not just come out and declare yourselves exclusive?

  • i think some ppl are only able to tolerate fwb. it might beat nothing at all, i guess for some. its really not that different than choosing to have other relationships that more on the surface, like having one hundred million facebook friends. theoretically there’s less risk of getting hurt.

  • Stephanie, have you dated other people within these four years? You don’t have to answer that, if you find the question too intrusive. But if this is a true FwB situation, it would say a lot if you didn’t consider the possibility of giving yourself a chance with anyone else after four years.

  • Kim “heart cooks brain” S. Last April he did pose the question…”do you think that we are holding the other back from finding someone…”. I told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship, he had no response. I know I should have let him answer it first. Duh!!!! More recently we had a conversation about how we started off as any “relationship” …the getting to know each other part, we’d go to dinner, have a drink, go to events, go hiking, which at some point there was some canoodling involved. Then it was he’d call me in late at night asking which freeway he should take. Of course the one closest to me. Most recently, he invited me to Thanksgiving, for two, let me spend the night with him in his bed one night that his 9 year old son was also there, in his own bed, of course. This past weekend, he invited me over to meet his sister. In the conversation he said that the great sex has helped us stay together long enough to get to know each other.

  • LOL Ace. Yeah…um…not going to respond to that. πŸ™‚

  • Wtf. What the heck is the problem then?

  • Thelma “Peeparosa” D. we talked last night, actually I kept me mouth shut as I didn’t want to influence him…didn’t what him to tell me what I wanted to hear. He wouldn’t/couldn’t answer my question of what he wants. This conversation was brought up because his sister asked what was up with us and he told her it’s complicated, to which I said, in private to him, it’s confusing.

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  • This confusion has gone on too long. Y’all are too old for this teenage angst.

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  • Adrian Robert H. actually he did admit that it would hurt him if I left his life. I’d be hurt too cuz the canoodling is…well, phenomenal. I haven’t been around the block, only been to the sidewalk, but I know what I have is very difficult to find, especially at my age.

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  • Ok, by Dez L. signs, we’re good, he doesn’t like me. Phew!!! Thanks dear. πŸ™‚

  • I agree with you, Thelma, Chuck, and Silver. Not sure I want to be committed to him. The sex is great, but we do have differences, differences that are important to us.

  • This guy needs to be told straight up that you don’t want a romantic relationship with him. The confusion is yours to clear up.
    /endthread

  • “How does a girl, oblivious to when a boy likes her, know?”

    When he stops pulling out.

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  • When he gives you a mixed tape…
    THEN…
    …when he stops pulling out.

  • LOL AJ and Derrick. Yes, seems childish, perhaps we are both going through a mid-life crisis. After all it was fun being a kid, no bills, no fear, no heartache.

  • Being a kid was stressful too… Plenty of fear and heartache to go around.

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  • when he/she gives/wants a Valentine’s Day gift

  • Probably if you start doing doing activities that couples normally do, outside of the bedroom.

    If he’s asking you to hang out with him, eat dinner with him, or basically spend any time with him outside of just having sex, then he probably thinks of you as his girlfriend.

    Though, often times when one person resents the other for trying to take the relationship to the next level, then rejects that person, the person who did the rejecting still feels pangs of jealousy or longing when the rejected does get involved in a loving relationship with someone else. Not saying that’s you, but it happens a lot with other people.

    Then one see their pics on Facebook, and thinks, “eww,” or “I don’t care,” which translates to “I’m better than him/her,” and “I kind of miss what we had.”

  • If he is laying next to you when you wake up.. ‘awkward’

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  • Stephanie, your “relationship” has gone far beyond the limits of fwb. You either need to split or embrace it…

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  • AJ I guess you’re right. I stressed out if I couldn’t play with outside. That was my punishment when I did something, it wasn’t restricted tv, or phone, it was that couldn’t go outside and play. And I was heartbroken because of it too. πŸ™ I had no fear till I landed on my head while vaulting.

  • This isn’t complicated but it is confusing. One or both of you has commitment issues and this is easy and comfortable without all the problems associated with actually combining a life. If this is working for you that’s great. 4 years is a long freaking time to spend sleeping with the same person and not be able to define your status or to have him tell his sister “it’s complicated” is silly. You should start to date other people to widen your horizons, which is totally allowable in a FWB situation. Oh and additional 2 cents worth…. Why the hell is your FWB trying to take up your Friday night?!

  • Chuck-perhaps we have both been wanting to “talk” but have avoided it because…if is ain’t broke… or enjoy it while it lasts….prevented us.

  • Kai-We met in the greater outdoors and have done things together over the years. We use to each others biggest fb fan, then for the most part, slipped away. Now it’s a lot of pm and texts. Which I’m good with, I don’t like that part of my personal life all over fb.

  • Janet we’ve cuddled since day one. I went to his place the first time and after I left. When we would come over I wouldn’t let him spend the night. It took me several months to be ok with a sleepover. He is a great cuddler, TMI?

  • Stephanie is describing is a true FwB situation. The word friend DOES mean friend. Friends can, and do go out, participating in activities of common interest, in addition to sex.

    Some people have redefined FwB beyond recognition. When restricted to sex … without conversation, without ever spending the night, without ever meeting each others friends … what you’ve got is a booty call.

  • Haha!!! Dez. If he did, yeah I don’t know, that’s not my thing.

  • Nothing wrong with a booty call if both people agree… but it has about at much in common with fwb as a pot bellied pig has with a parrot.

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  • when he’s ok w/ being seen in public w/ you.

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  • Yep, Brooklyn B. That’s what I said, confusing. I’ve gone out with other gents, but what these gents say and what they do, are so different I got fed up. I am try again. RRRIIIIIGGGGGHHHH?!?!?! On Valentine’s Day?!?!?! Just another tilt on the fence.

  • We talked last night, Thank You “Seriously…” I asked straight forward questions. He just couldn’t give me straight answers, just beat around the bush a lot.

  • Dee, I agree completely and said the same thing in another thread recently. But I don’t think fucking someone for 4 years, even as friends is typical of a fwb situation. It’s usually temporary and both parties are usually still going about their lives normally. I bet this guy is just hoping she is going to come around and want a relationship.

    And a true friend wouldn’t mislead someone in to believing that were possible, if it wasn’t….for the sake of a good lay.

  • I don’t think so Kim, he did tell me that I’m not his type and I’ve learned what his type is and I’m so not that. I think we are enjoying the one thing that brought us together so much that everything else is taking a back seat. Also, we are so comfortable with each other, perhaps It’s difficult for both of us to imagine starting all over again with someone else. right now.

  • Kim, You’re right. 4 years is not common, but everyone has their own patterns.
    I just cannot hear the morons that have FwB confused with booty calls.

    I know you’re clear on what FwBs are because it’s come up before.

  • Types are stupid and totally irrelevant a lot of the time….especially once you get to the point you’re already at.

    When you connect with someone you connect with someone. It can’t be helped. I know if I didn’t really like someone, there is no way I’d want to keep them around for 4+ years and share something as intimate as sex with them on a regular basis. And it sounds like you share more than just sex. I’m beginning to think you’re in denial over the whole thing.

    A wise man once told me this: you keep an arm chair because it’s comfortable, not a relationship. I trust him on that…perhaps you should too.

  • Dee is a fwb expert. Sup jailmate?

  • Absolutely Dee. I had a unique FWB in that we regularly spent the night together and spoke on a daily basis and were in agreement not to have sex with other people. Not typical, but my friendships rarely are. haha!

    But I find it hard to believe that NEITHER of them have feelings for each other after such a great length of time. You grow to care for a person in SOME way after spending that much time together…..if you’re normal anyway. Just my opinion. *shrugs*

  • lol, Ace — With the exception of a long marriage … I was definitely an FwB expert.
    Unless i say i’m committed, i’m not.

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  • Kim, yours was unusual in that you verbally “contracted” that there would be no sex with others.

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  • Frank, she doesnt seem to want it to evolve. She seems frightened that HE does.

    Mimi, to be clear, this was a previous FWB. I no longer put out. And the difference was we didn’t do things with one another outside of having sex, we were free to see and date other people (but when it turned sexual the agreement was we would no longer provide that “benefit” to one another)….and that’s pretty different than a bf/gf situation.

  • Steph: “I don’t think so Kim. He did tell me that I’m not his type…”

    “Sorry, you are not my type… Now bend over while I proceed to plow you from behind for the next 60 minutes.”

  • You mean for the next 4 years? bahaha

    They’re in love. They don’t want to admit it. I feel for you, really I do.

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  • FwB don’t morph from people who don’t like each other into people who “catch feelings”.
    (i hate that expression)
    They have things in common, and enjoy each others company straight out of the gate.

    You can have an FwB you ski with, play tennis with, go to concerts with, and who knows many of your friends.

    You both understand that for various reasons you’re not on a live-together, or marriage track.

  • There’s no definitive list of deal breakers. Everyone has their own. Any of the following could disqualify someone from being live-in material, but not disqualify them from being a perfectly good companion for music, dinner, and sex.

    ~ Children from a previous relationship

    ~ Gambling debts
    ~ Difference in education
    ~ Religious differences — or one is secular
    ~ Housekeeping issues … messy vs neat

    None of those would keep a reasonable person from being seen in public with someone.

  • 4 years is a long time. Most marriages don’t even last that long.

    Then again, this type of deal is better than a marriage imo.

  • I love the expression “catch feelings” when it comes to fwb. It’s like an STD.

  • Time flies when you’re having good sex, and don’t have to pick up someone’s socks.

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  • Kim: “They’re in love.”

    No he isn’t… He’s just enjoying the ride like any other guy would.

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  • The ride? He’s already introduced her to his kid, and wants her to meet his sister.

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  • Frank she said: From the beginning relationship was discussed and agreed by both parties involved that they were not looking for any form of relationship, however, lately it appears he might have a change of heart.

    She didn’t say SHE had a change of heart. Just that she is trying to figure out if he has. That’s how I’m reading it anyway.

    Mimi, I’m pretty sure the only difference between friends and friends with benefits is that you’re having sex. So what made us fwb and not gf/bf was we were only friends….and we were having sex. I talk to a lot of friends on a daily basis. But I don’t have sex with them.

    AJ, he is introducing her to his kid, sister etc. The fool is in love.

  • He is altering the deal, pray he does not alter it further.

  • Kim is on track, for the most part. I like things how they are, or should I say were….prior to him doing and saying things that has caused me to be confused. It doesn’t appear we are on the same track now, but I can say with most certainty that he is not in love, I’d only go as far as strong feelings.

    He is protective of his son, but his son has been to social events with him and has been introduced to others. It’s the I was allowed to spend the night just a few weeks ago while he had his son over. That was a shocker. He reason was that his ex-wife had a live in bf for many years and now has a new bf over while she has their son. And I’ve been around for so long it’s ok at this point.

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  • Kim: “AJ, he is introducing her to his kid, sister etc.”

    Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is dating a man who refuses to say that they are going out… but does everything that a guy on a date would normally do. Apparently, he had found a dating loophole.

    It all fell apart when he tried to introduce her to his parents and kiss her goodnight though.

  • Really? So this talking everyday & having sex is code for relationship….no wonder he’d go a week without texting/calling/seeing me…sigh…

  • Mimi: “We even took trips together now that I think about it.”

    Who paid?

  • Mimi’s doing it right! No reason FwB can’t go 50/50 on a trip to Rotterdam.
    You weren’t making him pay for whole thing, you devil ?!

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  • Mimi’s gone suspiciously silent.
    Either her nail polish is drying
    or she’s floating down the Orinoco with a new FwB.

  • She’s packing for her next adventure…

  • First of all how do someone gets a fwb!?

  • Cause he’s gonna buy her new clothes…sigh…I need a baller fwb

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  • that ain’t no fwb. that’s playing house.

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  • Armando-for me, it just worked out that neither of us wanted to be in a committed relationship. I’m a virgin to this type of arrangement, so that’s all I can really say.

  • Is this thing a reality or theory ? I don’t know but it seems FWB is too good to be true. I think it is a fictional idea enjoyed only by the war lords.

  • Noah M.-In my case, it’s reality. I got pics to prove it and a very select group of friends that have been around since the beginning.

  • hahaha, Frank. I haven’t been to Puerto Ayacucho, but damn near! Only had a quick fling in Venezuela with a Canadian who lived so far north in BC that he was up near the Yukon. Bet he never expected to hear from me again when he gave me his address! Who the hell even goes there?

    Me. buahaha. I looked him up a couple years later when i was leaving Alaska, heading southbound overland. He had a girlfriend by then… but hooked me up … in the non-sexual sense … with a friend of his i could stay with.

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  • Sigh…I kicked my hot poa to the curb cause he couldn’t hold a conversation…I went about it all wrong…

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  • Benefits package better be a 401k and health insurance

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  • friends w baggage seems more fitting.

  • Theres always baggage. You can either see if for what it is, or, just like any other issue, pretend it isnt there.

  • Frank G. says: Years ago I spoke at a conference in Lebanon and met someone from South Africa who subsequently invited me to travel there while de Klerk was still presiding
    ===================================================================

    Right, Frank! Smart human beings interact with strangers even when there’s no motivation. At the minimum you learn new things, and at best, wonderful and unexpected friendships form.

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  • I’ll keep you in mind, Nancy.

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  • Over and over and over. πŸ˜‰

  • Mine went from friends only to lovers over 9 months. The attracti0on was there but we both stated we did not want a “relationship”, that we wanted freedom and loved being friends. Trips together and intense talks and being 100% open naturally created a bond. The kissing and touching and spending exclusive time alone added to the next step in being exclusive. We both enjoy our friends and alone time, but the magnetic draw is a clear indicator that we are seriously exclusive and agree on it.Take your time because only time will tell.

  • Dee “deedub” D. says:
    Mimi’s gone suspiciously silent.
    =========
    her phone blew up with all the PMs for a new FwB

  • Stephanie “Climbing Foodie” P. says:

    Kim is on track, for the most part. I like things how they are, or should I say were….prior to him doing and saying things that has caused me to be confused. It doesn’t appear we are on the same track now, but I can say with most certainty that he is not in love, I’d only go as far as strong feelings.

    He is protective of his son, but his son has been to social events with him and has been introduced to others. It’s the I was allowed to spend the night just a few weeks ago while he had his son over. That was a shocker. He reason was that his ex-wife had a live in bf for many years and now has a new bf over while she has their son. And I’ve been around for so long it’s ok at this point.

    ———————-
    So you are “confused?”

    Now I’m beginning to think you WANT him to have feelings for you. Probably because you have feelings for him. Why else would you hang with his son and spend the night there with him? If it’s just about the sex (even if you ARE friends), why get involved in situation like that?

    Also, I think it’s terrible what you’re all doing to that poor kid. YOU’RE confused? What about him????

  • You already know OP, you said “it appears he might have a change of heart” and you’re asking the question, so you already know he has begun to like you.

  • DaisyPhoenix J- I have my suspicions, but don’t want to jump the gun. If he does have feelings it’s time for me to go, that’s not what I sign up for. I do care about him, but I care about everyone.

  • Aren’t you a little old to be doing this.

  • My grandpa had a fwb…but he was always a playa…

  • TK Y- I don’t believe age has anything to do with it.

  • Mu dad has a FWB.
    I met up with him to sign papers and seen her trying to hide in his car.

  • Looks like you’ll be in need of a new fwb

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  • Then just end it Stephanie. Once you have that suspicion, it’s time to go.

  • He says I’m asking for binary answer to an analog question.

  • I never understand this FwB concept or how that’s even possible but i always imagined it would be the girl who ends up getting attached and cry rather than the guy. I guess i was wrong…(No offence to guys!!) So i think it’s sweet that the guy ends up liking her… except that’s not the point here.

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  • Loma:
    …(.upside down question mark)…huh?

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